Is clutter connected to how you feel about rejection?


Hi Reader,

Does any of this sound familiar?

  • A friend doesn't reply to your message for a few hours, and you're convinced you've upset them.
  • Someone gives you gentle, well-meant feedback, and you can't shake it off for the rest of the day.
  • You ask for a favour, and the pause before they answer fills you with shame before they've even said a word.

If you recognise yourself in any of that, there may be a reason: it's called Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD), and it's a common trait linked to ADHD.

Here's something that helps in the moment: when that wave of shame or anxiety hits, try naming it rather than believing it. Something like, "This is RSD talking, not the truth." It sounds small, but putting a name to the feeling creates just enough space to stop it running the show.

RSD doesn't just affect how you feel about people, it affects how you feel about your home too. It's often behind why letting go of a gift feels like rejecting the person who gave it, or why a cluttered room quietly fuels the sense that you're not good enough.

I've written a full article on this, including where RSD comes from, why it gets tangled up with clutter specifically, and some practical scripts for the conversations that come with letting things go.

Read the full article here

Speak soon,

Helen

Working with clients in London and all over the UK.

Unsubscribe · Preferences

Helen Sanderson, The Clutter Therapist

Author of The Secret Life of Clutter, psychotherapist, designer and one of the UK’s most well-respected clutter experts, Helen works with her clients holistically to uncover what their homes reveal about their psyches and what is blocking them. And then, with compassion, take positive action to clear those obstacles. This leads to life-changing shifts, which leave people with a new-found clarity and homes that support them to live their best lives

Read more from Helen Sanderson, The Clutter Therapist

Hello Reader, Delaying a tricky conversation doesn't make it easier. We all know this is true. And it also applies to pretty much anything we are avoiding because it may be hard, painful or challenges what we know. The status quo feels safe because it feels familiar. Like the proverbial frog in a pan of water that is slowly heated up, we will tolerate things that become gradually less comfortable; situations that we’d jump straight out of if we were put directly into them. Whether that’s a...

Hello Reader, There's a particular kind of wardrobe clutter that has nothing to do with clothes. The suit from a job you left a decade ago. The jeans from ten years and two sizes back. The going-out dress from a version of your life that doesn't exist anymore. None of it's really about the item, it's about what letting it go would mean. I write about this in my latest blog, How to Organise a Cluttered Wardrobe: 7 Mistakes to Fix. I go into a lot of wardrobes for work, and that's one of seven...

Hi Reader, Whether you have just finished decluttering your paperwork, you are partway through the process, or you are simply thinking about getting it more organised, at some point the same question comes up: once you know what you are keeping, where does it actually live? Not just stuffed into the nearest drawer, but somewhere logical, easy to find, and easy to maintain so it stays that way. Most of us inherit our paperwork system rather than choose it. One thing I have noticed across years...